Love that remains....

Its my first blog where i am not writing any poem, lets see how it turns out to be. Love, the words makes me so nauseated that i took the liberty to use the word affection, but this does not mean that i wont be using the word love. Because mostly the word love is associated with one sort of likeness or affection or whatever that it is. Its been a long time that i have been wondering, what do people do of the affection that is left behind inside you when the other leaves. leaving can be in any form like dying or just moving away or breaking contact, etc. To be particular, i have been asking this question since the time my dog, my precious little Buddy passed away. most of the people will be like 'WHAT! SHE IS TALKING ABOUT A DOG.' I know its odd, but i have loved my dog as if he was a person and not a day passes when i don't miss him. His every act is imprinted in my mind as if he is still around. Only a dog lover will understand what i am talking about.

Buddy, came in my life on the auspicious occasion of Raksha Bandhan (a festival that celebrates the relation of a brother and sister). He was only 15 days old, holding him in my hands and when he fell asleep in my lap was one of the best feelings i ever experienced. Nothing can equal that. He was the best, he loved the rides on activa and bike. Only took bath from me and only wanted to go out for a walk with me, even if it was 5 a.m. in winters. Sometimes i used to scold him for waking me up so early, and then i made him lazy like me by pulling him under the quilt with me (hahaaaahhaa).. I could fight the world for him, even with my parents (and i had a quiet lot many fights). I can never forget the face he used to make when asked to go for a walk and also the face when i used to leave for my college. He couldn't speak anything but he expressed more than ninety per cent of the people i know. With just one look he used to express whatever he felt, every feeling was so much evident from his eyes. We commonly say or hear an expression saying that the eyes are mirror to the soul, this held so true for him. He loved to have beer from my father and only ate what my mother cooked. And he so much loved the company of all of us that if he is left alone in another room, he will create a havoc. He was my protector, one call and he would be there by my side and he was so possessive for everyone in out home. He brought life in our house, everything felt alive and more like a home,

Buddy would have turned 5 years of age the next month, but he didn't make it. He fell so sick, in a week we saw his health deteriorating. He couldn't eat anything, had bouts of vomiting and i used to lay awake with him, in case he needed me. Spending sleepless nights with him, praying he should be fine. On medication and drips, it broke our hearts to watch him like this. Even my mother, though not being much of a dog lover, took him from doctor to doctor just to save him. Even small signs of improvement brought hope to the whole family. But, i guess he was never to get better. Mr God had something else in store for my little Buddy. He was just a little baby. The day he passed away, i was out of town for two days and was supposed to return that very day. I didn't even get a chance to meet him, to say good bye because the doctor said that he was very sick and cannot be kept like this till i return and had to be buried immediately. Till date i hate myself for leaving him and not being able to say goodbye. I can never forgive myself.

Our house looks lifeless and i don't feel like coming and staying because each and every corner is his reminder. In a few months its going to be a year and i have not been able to cope up with him gone from my life. I still cry and have many sleepless nights because i can not bring myself to forgive myself. Loosing the second soul that you most loved and cared about in a matter of a year, is the worst thing that can happen. It has become scary for me to attach myself with anyone. I am scared of getting another dog also, though he will never replace Buddy but the idea of loosing another soul is terrifying. All i hope is to meet him at the end of that Rainbow Bridge where i hope he is happy and may be waiting for me as well. After him, i can feel each and every word of my poem in the blog Lost Love. He has made me realize how does it feel like to be completely broken and still carrying on with life.I hate you Buddy, for not waiting for me and leaving me like this. Nothing is and will be the same, again.

It happens to everyone of us, that once when we loose a loved one, its really hard for us to love again. Because there is still the love and affection that stays behind. I have been struggling with the answer to this question, that what should i do with the affection that i still have for Buddy. Most of the nights, i apologize to him for not being there for him, and i miss him each and everyday, remembering him for all his silly tricks and responses he had for whatever i used to say, The affection that is left, forbids me to let go of things. Most of the people don't understand it, so i have stopped talking about them, i keep it confined to myself or commit it to a diary. But today i decided to write about it, I don't know what people are going to think or Whether they will read or not.

If you read it and can answer the question, of what to do with the love and affection that is left behind, please do comment. I would really like some suggestions.

Miss you so much MY BUDDY....... i am sorry.....